Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
