I faked an abortion last night.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
