so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
His nipple licking is glorious
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