hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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