he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my being single is dangerous.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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