He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
