next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
