The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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