Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i drank out of a bidet.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
