you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
