Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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