I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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