Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
