I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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