Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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