I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
