After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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