Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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