For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
