Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
her facebook's as public as her vagina
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
