he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
