Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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