Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
