I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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