Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
