Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
