is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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