pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
