if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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