Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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