2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
either way he was missing a nipple.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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