apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
