I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
