Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
