dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
