just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
