Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
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