He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
