At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
