You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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