He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
