haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Define "chronic" masturbator.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
