dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
