i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
