You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
