i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
