also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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