I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
