I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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