Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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