Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
