i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
