Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
